help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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