At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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