chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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