He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
