My room smells like vodka and shame
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
