Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
