Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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