Define "chronic" masturbator.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
MIDGETS
????
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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