What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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