you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
