OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
