oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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