Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
