your room smells of hookers.
And success
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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