oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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