i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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