I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
