So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
