Michael Bay diarrhea
mondays should just be called national damage control day
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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