Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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