Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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