how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
