I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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