I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
