Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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