you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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