a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
