If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
