Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
