She went from zero to smokin in five shots
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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