you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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