I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
