R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
