And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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