I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
