I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
