so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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