Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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