i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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