Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
These tits shall not be calmed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
