So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
