you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
