The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
