I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
