I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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