I hate your face
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
do herpes really smell.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
