Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
