He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
