We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
