She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
